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Print & practice

Worksheets & reference cards.

Every reusable artifact in one place: the monthly practice log, the recognition-cue card, each month’s worksheet, and the BIFF draft sheet. Print what you need, when you need it.

Reusable Worksheet· All Seven Months

Monthly Practice Log

Print one copy per month. Fill in the month, practice, and recognition cue at the top, then track each week.

Download all worksheets (PDF)Spot the Moment baseline (PDF)
Download worksheet (PDF)
How to use this sheet At the start of each month, fill in the top block. Then use the daily strip to keep your rep count, and the weekly rows to reflect. The weekly questions do not change. That is on purpose.
Month number:
Month title:
This month's move (the daily rep):
Recognition cue (the moment this month's skill applies):

Daily Rep Count

Tick a box each day you ran the move, even once, even imperfectly. Aim for most days. Missing days is expected. The count is information, not a grade.

Week M T W Th F Sa Su Days this week
1 ☐ ☐ ☐ ☐ ☐ ☐ ☐ ___ / 7
2 ☐ ☐ ☐ ☐ ☐ ☐ ☐ ___ / 7
3 ☐ ☐ ☐ ☐ ☐ ☐ ☐ ___ / 7
4 ☐ ☐ ☐ ☐ ☐ ☐ ☐ ___ / 7

Total reps this month: ______ / 30

Weekly Reflection (same Questions Every Week)

Once a week, pick one moment when you ran the move and answer these. Write briefly. The value is in doing it weekly, not in writing a lot.

Week 1 Week 2 Week 3 Week 4
What was the situation?
What did I notice in myself BEFORE I ran the move?
What did I notice WHILE running it?
What did I notice AFTER, including anything that shifted?
What did I learn, or what will I try next?

Month-end Reflection

  • What from this month genuinely changed something for me, even slightly?
  • Where did I resist the practice?
  • What is one thing I want to carry into next month?
  • This month's lens came from a specific tradition, named at the top of the month. What in it fit me naturally? What felt foreign? What do I want to keep for good?
  • My rep count this month was ___ / 30. What helped on the days I practiced? What got in the way on the days I did not?

Reference Card · All Seven Months

Recognition Cues

Cut out or keep this page visible throughout the curriculum. Each cue names the moment a month's practice applies. Transfer each to your Monthly Practice Log.

Download worksheet (PDF)
Month Theme Recognition cue — the moment the practice applies
Month 1 Under the Hood Your body tightens, your jaw sets, your breath shortens, or your listening shuts down. That is the activation signal.
Month 2 The Voice in Your Head You find yourself certain about what someone meant, why they did something, or what their behavior says about them. That certainty is the signal.
Month 3 The Art of Really Listening A conversation is ending and you realize you understood their position but not what matters to them about it. Or you notice you could not restate their view in a way they would accept.
Month 4 Repair You feel slightly different with someone and can trace it to a specific moment that was never addressed. That is unfinished repair business.
Month 5 Not All Conflicts Are the Same Your team has the same argument again. A solution you agreed on did not hold. A decision conversation gets strangely charged for reasons no one is naming.
Month 6 Accountability That Connects You catch yourself complaining about a colleague to someone who is not that colleague. Or you decide in a meeting not to say something you know needs saying.
Month 7 What We Build Going Forward You notice yourselves slipping back into old defaults, or you realize a team norm everyone values has never been made explicit.
The underlying principle Skills fail to transfer because people fail to recognize the situations where they apply, even when they remember them perfectly. The recognition cue is the trigger that closes that gap. Notice the moment. Use the skill.

Month 1 Worksheet · Under the Hood

Team Regulation Map

Complete individually before or during the Month 1 session. Share with the team and post the full map.

Download worksheet (PDF)
Why this matters Your nervous system is contagious. When one person in a charged conversation is regulated, they create the conditions for others to regulate too. This map makes visible what each person needs, so the team can support it rather than accidentally undermine it.

Name

What does activation feel like in my body?

What physical signals tell you that your threat response has been triggered?

What helps me regulate in a meeting?

Two or three specific things that help you stay or return to a regulated state during a tense conversation.

What helps me regulate before a hard conversation?

Two or three things you do before a difficult exchange that help you arrive regulated.

What is most likely to activate me on this team?

Specific situations, dynamics, or patterns, not people. Be honest.

After everyone shares: Post the full team map where you hold hard conversations. When someone seems activated, you now know what might help.

Month 2 Worksheet· the Voice in Your Head

Facts vs. Stories

Use this whenever you are carrying a story about a person or situation. Works best in writing.

Download worksheet (PDF)
The distinction A fact is what a camera and microphone would capture. A story is what you have concluded. This sheet helps you see the gap.

The situation

Briefly describe the person or situation you are examining:

FACTS What a camera would capture: behaviors, words, events STORIES What you have concluded: meaning, motive, judgment
e.g., She sent a one-word reply to my email. e.g., She’s dismissing me. She doesn't respect my work.

Count and notice

How many items are in each column?

Facts:
Stories:
What does that ratio tell you?

Apply the 5 Whys to your most charged story

Pick the story with the most emotional weight. Ask why you believe it, then why that, up to five times.

Why 1:
Why 2:
Why 3:
Why 4:
Why 5:
The 30-Second Start template I noticed [specific observable behavior]. The story I am telling myself is [your interpretation]. I want to check that out. Is that accurate? Draft your 30-Second Start for this situation:

Month 3 Worksheet· the Art of Really Listening

Looping Practice Log

Track your looping attempts in real conversations. Cut out or photograph the prompts card.

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The looping prompts card: Do I have it right? Is there more? What I am hearing is... Is that accurate? What matters most to you about this? Goal: keep looping until the other person says 'yes, that's it' before you say anything about your own perspective.

Looping attempt log

After each conversation where you used looping, record it here. Aim for at least two entries this month.

Date Situation (brief, no names) Did they say “yes, that's it”? What was hard? What shifted?
Week 2 Disagreement about project timeline. Eventually in 4 rounds. Wanted to explain myself first. They relaxed. Got to what was bothering them.

Reflection

What was the difference between looping and paraphrasing?

Looping reflects back until the speaker confirms it. Paraphrasing is your summary. They feel different to the person speaking.

When did you most want to skip ahead to your own response?

What, if anything, changed in the conversation when someone felt truly heard?

Month 4 Worksheet · Repair

Repair Conversation Prep Sheet

Use before a repair conversation, whether you caused harm or need to name that you experienced it.

Download worksheet (PDF)
The restorative questions Repair is not a transaction. It is a conversation that moves through three questions in sequence: what happened (from my perspective), what was the impact, and what would repair look like. This sheet helps you prepare your side of that conversation.

Which side of the repair are you on?

Circle one: I caused harm · I experienced harm · Both / unclear

Question 1: What happened? From your perspective. Stick to observable facts. Avoid interpreting the other person’s motives at this stage.
Question 2: What was the impact? Not what you think they intended. What the impact was on you, your work, or the team. “I felt dismissed” is a start. “I stopped bringing ideas to that meeting” is more useful.
Question 3: What would repair look like? Right enough to move forward, even if it is imperfect. What do you need? What are you willing to give?

Before the conversation

What are you most afraid will happen?

What do you most hope will happen?

What will you do if the other person is not ready to engage?

After the conversation Date: Did repair happen? (Fully / Partially / Not yet) What one thing shifted?

Month 5 Worksheet · Not All Conflicts Are the Same

The V Model — Conflict Map

Use this to map a specific conflict. Works best on paper, with a real situation.

Download worksheet (PDF)
The V Model Position \= what each party says they want. Interest \= why they want it. Underlying need \= what they require to feel heard, respected, and secure. Most organizational conflict conversations stay at the position level. When they do, agreements don't hold, because they never addressed what the conflict was actually about. Work your way down the V.

The Conflict

Briefly describe the situation:

Your side The other side
POSITIONS (what each side says they want)
INTERESTS (why each side wants it)
UNDERLYING NEEDS (what each side actually requires)

Diagnosis questions

What type is this conflict?

Facts / Values / Roles / Relationship / External pressure

Is this a technical or adaptive problem?

Technical \= a known solution exists. Adaptive \= values, beliefs, or behaviors need to change.

What level is the conversation happening at?

Positions / Interests / Underlying needs

Who benefits from things staying the way they are?

Whose perspective is missing from how this conflict is being defined?

What would it look like to address this in a way that strengthens the relationship, not just resolves the issue?

Month 5 Worksheet · Not All Conflicts Are the Same

Conflict Diagnosis Matrix

Use when a conflict arises, before deciding how to respond. Map it first.

How to use this Place the conflict in the grid: What level is the conversation happening at (positions, interests, or underlying needs)? And what type of problem is this: Technical (known solution exists), Adaptive (requires people to change values or behaviors), or Felational (about trust, history, or dynamic)? Then name the decision type: Command / Consult / Consensus / Vote.

The conflict or situation

TECHNICAL: A known solution exists. Expertise can fix it. ADAPTIVE: Requires people to change values or behaviors. RELATIONAL: About trust, history, or how people work together.

Place the conflict in the grid

Mark the cell that best describes where this conflict is currently living.

The conversation is currently happening at the level of:
The problem type appears to be:

Decision type for this situation

Circle one: COMMAND / CONSULT / CONSENSUS / VOTE

Why this type:

Diagnostic questions before responding

  • If this were purely a technical problem, would we have solved it by now?

  • Whose perspective is missing from how this conflict is being defined?

  • Who carries the most risk in naming this conflict honestly?

  • What would it look like to address this in a way that strengthens the relationship, not just resolves the issue?

Month 6 Worksheet · Accountability That Connects

Accountability Conversation Guide

Build this guide together in or after the Month 6 session. Use it before any accountability conversation.

Download worksheet (PDF)
The five-step structure Step 1 — Name the specific behavior (one instance, observable). Step 2 — Name the impact (what it cost: trust, relationship, team function). Step 3 — Make a genuine request ('What I need going forward is...'). Step 4 — Create space to be heard. Loop before advocating. Step 5 — Agree on a next step together.

Our team's opening line when naming a behavior:

When the other person gets defensive, we will:

When we get defensive, we want the other person to:

We consider an accountability conversation complete when:

We commit to having this conversation within

___ days of the behavior occurring.

The distinction we are practicing

Shame vs. reflection Shame says “you are bad” and triggers defensiveness. Damages relationship while leaving behavior intact. Reflection says “something you did caused harm.” and opens the possibility of change. Before this conversation, check: Am I approaching this from curiosity about what happened, or from a predetermined verdict?

Signatures and date

Team member:
Team member:
Team member:
Team member:
Date:

Month 7 Worksheet · What We Build Going Forward

Culture Commitments Charter

Write this together in your final session. Sign it. Post it. Return to it.

Download worksheet (PDF)
What makes this different from other team agreements Most team agreements are aspirational. This one is behavioral. Each commitment names a specific action, not a value. “We will be more honest” is not a commitment. “We will use the 30-Second Start before any conversation where we have a strong story about the other person” is.
Team:
Date completed:

Our commitments

1. We will [specific behavior] when conflict arises, instead of [current default]:

2. We will hold each other to [specific practice] through [specific mechanism]:

3. When the process breaks down, and it will, we will return to it by:

4. We will revisit these commitments on [specific date] and ask honestly: are we keeping them?

5. We will bring new team members into this practice by:

6. One commitment specific to this team's identified challenge:

We, the undersigned, commit to these practices and to holding each other to them with honesty and care.
Revisit date:

Starting Point Survey re-scored: ☐

Month 7 Worksheet · Personal Playbook

Personal Playbook

Complete this in or after the final session. Seven lenses passed through your hands. This page is where you decide, in your own words, what you keep. It is yours, distinct from the team's charter.

Lens The move When I reach for it (my recognition cue, in my own words) Keep / adapt / set down
Month 1 · Under the Hood STOP
Month 2 · The Voice in Your Head The 30-Second Start
Month 3 · The Art of Really Listening Looping
Month 4 · Repair The three restorative questions
Month 5 · Not All Conflicts Are the Same Name the level, name the type
Month 6 · Accountability That Connects The accountability opener
Month 7 · What We Build Going Forward The harvest scan
Add-on · When the Temperature Rises Match the tool to the stage

The one move I want to be known for a year from now:

Add-on Module Worksheet · When the Temperature Rises

BIFF Draft Sheet

Use before responding to any hostile, blaming, or inflammatory written communication.

Download worksheet (PDF)
Biff
— Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm Brief: one paragraph. Not a defense, not a rebuttal. Informative: facts only. No emotions, no opinions, no counter-accusations. Friendly: neutral-to-warm tone. Nothing that gives the other person ammunition. Firm: a clear close. No invitation to re-litigate.
First: do you need to respond at all? Many hostile messages do not require a response. The message has no power unless you give it power. Before drafting anything, ask: Is there a deadline, decision, or factual inaccuracy that genuinely requires a reply? If not, consider not responding.

The original message

Paste or summarize the message you received. What is the actual substance beneath the hostility?

Separate signal from noise

What is the factual substance, if any, that requires a response?

What is emotional venting or accusation that does not require engagement?

Friendly opening line Neutral, not defensive, not warm-to-the-point-of-dishonest.
Informative content Only the facts that matter. No opinions, no rebuttals.
Firm close A clear ending that does not invite re-litigation.

Check before sending

☐ Is it under one paragraph?
☐ Does it contain any emotion, opinion, or counter-accusation? (Remove it.)
☐ Does it say anything that could be used against you?
☐ Does it leave a clear close with no invitation to re-engage?
☐ Would you be comfortable if this were forwarded to your board, your team, or the public?